Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
