Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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