Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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