i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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