Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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