i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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