If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
