Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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