Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
