So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
