I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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