i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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