I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
