i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize