Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
