Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
