You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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