Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
