dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize