My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
