i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
