who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
