Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
