My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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