bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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