If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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