She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
