I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
