It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
