My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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