If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
