i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
