It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize