sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
