Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
