If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
