I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
two words...techno handjob
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
