Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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