Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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