Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
