i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naked. naked and bneed help.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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