You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
