my being single is dangerous.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
