why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
