The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
