I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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