Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
