Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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