I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
