just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
