just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
