So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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