last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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