if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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