i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
wow bdsm is so cute
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