can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
