is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
