the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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