you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
