You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
