shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
