i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
