you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
