Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
