his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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