That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
