im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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