I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
