I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
