My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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