I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can i not drive my cunt home
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
NoShamevember. You game?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
