It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
