I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
birth control should be required to get into college
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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