So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
