The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
