my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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