This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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