I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
