Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to make out with him forever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
