Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
