Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize