my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
