Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize