you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
