please come you make the beer taste better
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
