i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
