i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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