Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have demons in me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
