Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
someone threw a dead crab at me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
