i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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