Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
