So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
