It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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