omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize