We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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