Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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