oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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