I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
