What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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