i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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