Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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