You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
