you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
