She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can I color on your dick again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
