You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
