I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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