If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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