he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
