theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
