i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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