The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
