PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
